Good morning,
On this beautiful sunny day in Southern California, I am sitting on my grey modern couch in my living room. I just finished cleaning my home while my husband is out hiking with friends. I love a quiet home. There is something about a clean home, and the candles are lit. So quiet, you can actually hear the birds chirping outside. I cant remember the last time I sat down and heard birds, or just even the clock ticking in my dining room. Sometimes it is good to just sit, and be still. In the midst of this quiet home I wanted to share with you today a blog. Today's read is going to be very honest, raw, and something I recently got healed with last year. So take a seat, grab your coffee. Or if you are at work at your desk, get comfortable. This one is going to be a good one. I want to share with you a little glimps and a small version of my testinmony. I am the second child of four children. Born and raised in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Yes I am a southern belle that always says "yall." I am proud. So hear is my real story. Try not to choke up, it is kind of a rough one. When I was 5 years old I got diagnosed with "epilepsy" which is a kind of seizure. From 5 to the age of 16, I was in and out of hospitals always taking test, blood work, and brain test to figure out the cause. I was in the hospital so much, I knew all the nurses names by heart. I drew so much blood as a child I am surprised that I never passed out. GED's became my best friend, X-rays of my brain became my TV, and doctors from all over Baton Rouge became my family. Life was okay. I just never knew why I had to walk through all of this, when this never ran in my families DNA. It was an attack on my family from the enemy for sure. I was raised with a very unhealthy father growing up. He was very abusive. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was raped and malested when I was 15 years old. In the woods, by a boy who threatened to kill me. Real life! I was very insecure. I could not hold a conversation for more than a minute with real human people, until I turned almost 20 years old. I was truly scared of men. I could not look my boyfriends or even really just guy friends in the eye. I had friends in high school but they were mostly all guys, because I was trying to fill this void that my father had left me, and trying to replace it with guys or even boyfriends at the time. I lied a lot to my mother and even close friends. I got so good at lying, I started to really believe my lies and fairy tales I would tell people. I spent all my time after high school working full time to save up for a car, so I could so call "get out of this town." Before I got really plugged back in to a church, I had what we call "Construction cones" all over my life. These were mental and spiritual cones that I would put up in my life, so that no one could hurt me, and no one could control me and my life. I started to put these up to honestly protect myself from God. I really thought in my head I was safe, as long I place these cones around my life. I got kicked out of my home at 16 one night after coming home from my softball practice. My father was very bi-polar and would rage for no reason. So I never really knew what could happen on a day to day basis. I lived on survival mode. I remember coming home to my room, black trash bags were filled with all of my stuff. I loaded my grey 2004 bug up, started the engine and left. I worked at a chicken restaurant called "Canes" at the time, and slept in that parking lot for two weeks. I had no where to go. That night, I remember the clock blinking in blue lights and it said 1:15am. The parking lot was dark, and I was wrapped up in my blanket trying to hide in my car in case anyone were to see me. I whispered to God that night. "God if you are real, please save me and help me to make it through all of this. I know I am scared of you, but if you are really real, please save me." That next day a friend called me and said they were looking for a room mate and had a room for me. I moved in, and began life again. But this time in a different environment. I tell you all this because I had so many cones in my life, it was a blockway from me and God. And that is what I want to chat with you today about. Construction cones are typically used outdoors during road work or other situations. They are for traffic redirection or advance warning of hazards or dangers, or the prevention of traffic. The cones are used to prevent someone from coming into the safe sone. I think a lot of people do this, and don't really realize they are doing it. I put up cones for almost 10 years and until last year, if I am being completely honest, I really had no idea I was doing it. Until God showed me a vision. Here is just an example of my experience so you can visually see for yourself. I put a cone up in front of my father, so he could not hurt me again. I put a cone up with my friends because I had a lot of trust issues and experiences with rejection. I put a cone up with my pastors, so they could not tell me something I did not want to hear. Because if they did, I would have to deal with it and fix myself, and that would hurt too much. I put up cones around guys who reminded me of the boy who raped me. Even if they were a good friend or a friend from church. If they had the same hair color as that boy, I would not even try to be their friend. Why? Issues with trust, violation, and many more. I would put up cones with my coworkers and bosses. Because I had so much fear in my life, I was always afraid of getting fired even if I was doing so well at work. I had so many construction cones in my life. If you took a step back and looked at me then, I looked like a student drivers course at a DMV. All you could see is "ORANGE in my life." You could not even see my heart, there was no possible way to even try, that is how far I had fallen off. My heart went from red to orange. My heart was hurt, broken, damaged, black and rusted. Just a like construction cone that's gets hit by a car. I share with you today, because I can say that I have been officially set free from all of my cones as of a month ago. I can now have full eye contact with anyone I talk to. I love my husband and I have no issues with men. I am fully committed and serve at my amazing church "C3 San Diego". I love my leaders. I have been taught so much, and I respect them all. I can except guidance and can handle any conflict that comes my way. I mentor students and teach them how to live a healthy life, and how to handle the hardships in high school like I did. I fully forgave the man that took advantage of me when I was 15. I fully forgave my father for everything he did, and said to me. I got healed from all my construction cones. How you may ask? All Jesus. All because of Him, I am free. To all the moms, single mothers, middle school and high school girls, college girls, or even young women who are on your own out there. To all you beautiful ladies who read my blogs, you can be set free too. The only way to get rid of all these cones in our life is only through Him. He is the only construction man who can spiritually, mentally, and physically pick up the cones and load them in the truck from your life, and from your heart. He is it. He's the one. Isaiah 53:5 "He was wounded because of our rebellious deeds, crushed because of our sins; he endured punishment that made us well; because of His wounds we have been healed." I have been working on these cones for years. This was not an over night solving issue. But it can be, I just took the harder and longer route. I just had a lot of cones to deal with. Some of you may have one or two. Some may have twenty and that it okay. But I am here to say only God can remove them from your life. By removing them, this is the only way to live a healthy and freeing lifestyle. You can not run a race or drive 100 mph on the interstate if there are a million cones in the road blocking your way. I am not your mother or you boss. But I am here to strengthen, encourage, and motivate you. I believe we all have these cones and I want to encourage you today as I close in my blog. Take a step back. Evaluate yourself and see if maybe there are cones in your life blocking you from freedom. It could be little or big. But a cone is a cone. The devil will do anything in his power to prevent you from walking in freedom and doing what God has called you to do in this world. Be a woman of integrity, a woman with fierce, and woman who says I refuse to let construction cones in my life, effect my future. I promise you will be mind blown and shocked by what God does when you ask. It is amazing what takes place when you get in the quiet and just ask Him a simple question. I hope my story has encouraged you today. Stand up, stretch, and go be the woman that God has called you to be. Choose freedom, and not just a silly orange construction cone. Holli Wright ✖️✖️✖️ Comments are closed.
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